Signs you’re dealing with a narcissist
Some signs you are dealing with a narcissist.
Now a lot of people can and will have one of the traits or two of the disorder and not be a narcissist. Some are human nature, doesn’t mean they are a true narcissist, they could just be a negative person or very confident within themselves. Listen to the actions of those around you, it’s not what they say, it’s what they do.
They Have an over-exaggerated sense of self-importance
They Have a real sense of entitlement and require, excessive admiration.
They need, want and expect to be recognised as superior even without achievements to back it up.
They will Exaggerate and lie about any achievements or talents.
They have their own fantasies about success, power, beauty or the perfect mate
They think and believe that they are superior and can only be around people equally special people.
They take over conversations making it all about them, and belittle or look down on people they think are not as good as themselves. They will also belittle people who are doing better than them and find a way of how lucky they are, and it’s nothing they did they must have received an inheritance to get that new car etc.
They Expect special favours from those around them and unquestioning compliance with their expectations. They will rarely do any favours in return.
They are more than happy to Take advantage of others to get what they want.
They have a great inability or unwillingness to recognise the needs and feelings of others. Will do very little or nothing at all to help those around them, unless they can get something greater from it.
They are incredibly envious of others and believe others envy them.
They behave in an arrogant manner, and They seem conceited, boastful and pretentious. They really want and believe they are entitled to the best, they even expect and
They insist on having the best of everything, for example. The best clothes, for those on the lower end of the spectrum, the best car for mid-range and the best house holidays and everything for the greater narcissist.
They have great trouble handling any form of criticism.
They will become very impatient or angry when they don't receive special treatment.
They have significant interpersonal problems and easily feel slighted.
They will react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make themselves appear superior.
They have great difficulty regulating their emotions and their own behaviour.
They have major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change, and they may not show this to others.
They can feel depressed and moody because they fall short of their own sense of perfection.
The insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation, these are often hidden within themselves.
often you can feel some of the above when around narcissistic people, their behaviour does rub off on people, if you try to help others, have empathy for others, you are not the narcissist.
Lie about anything and everything often believing their own lies.
Project all their feelings onto you.
Be violent, especially when caught out on a lie, they will twist and turn your words in any way possible.
Look into their eyes when you question a minor thing they really do change.
Talk badly about you to everyone around them, often making up stories of what you are doing to them, when in fact they are doing it to you.
Have no financial responsibility, often taking as much money from you as they can.
Try to move in with you real fast.
Try to get you to move away from your family and friends as they know. Your friends will see a change in you, they know your family and friends will spot their true self before they’ve fully got you hooked.
The Narcissist Is So Unbelievable.
When they come at you with game after game, and you just can not believe just how unbelievable they are, yet they once were so believable, as they play the admiration face and treat you better than anyone ever has, their lies are their reality, so they tell them with so much conviction and truth, them outcomes the envy face and they treat you worse than anyone ever has, yet with their many manipulation games, such as, blame-shifting, gaslighting, silent treatments, we are often left believing it to be all our fault, it is never your fault for people to treat you so wrong, the fault lays with their disorder.
As you and those around them often believe they are good people, most likely didn’t even realise people like this existed, then when you work out just how unbelievable they genuinely are, you have the battle of showing others just how, fake, false and destructive their reality truly is, often whilst you are left looking and feeling crazy, and for some of you who have lost everything, for other losing a lot, from hopes, dreams, relationships, possessions, sense of self, trust, self-esteem, self-love, physical and mental health problems.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, so it varies from person to person how much damage they do, also how long it takes you to work it out the narcissist’s unbelievable behaviour, as they twist and turn through everything you go through with them, just to keep confusing you.
A narcissist steals your heart, pollutes your mind, takes your boundaries, your trust, your self-love and self-worth, takes your belongings, and so much more, some even manage to take the children.
One of the things that you have to get your head around is just how unbelievable it all is.
It’s unbelievable at the time, and it’s also unbelievable afterwards when you realise exactly who they are, and how they operate. During and after a narcissistic relationship, you are left bewildered, confused, and your emotions are all over from the highs and lows. CPTSD, anxiety and trauma bonding.
As you are now aware, they do this to keep their control over you, and their unbelievable behaviour starts at the very beginning.
1. The idolisation stage when you first meet them, when they are too good to be true, and perfect in every way, you’ve met your soulmate, who is loving, kind, thoughtful, and perfect in every way, they are amazing whilst they are love bombing you, you don’t let it go as it feels so amazing and you want more. They were simply mirroring you, and you fell in love with yourself.
2. Devaluation stage, it’s unbelievable that someone can change from being so loving and caring to someone so horrible and nasty, You then find it hard when they, change to someone you don’t know, you find it hard and unbelievable that someone who loves you so much could treat you the way they do. That first silent treatment, you think you’ve done something to cause it, and they’ll confirm this by telling you it was you. The manipulation they use is unbelievable.
3. Discard stage, it is unbelievable how they can just move on so fast, that the new person can not see what the narcissist is doing, that they can vanish on you like that, use you the way that they did, that the new person will not look at what you’re telling them, how the narcissist can just cast you and possibly your children to one side, even more, unbelievable if they try to take those children off you, unbelievable that they portray you to others as crazy, telling others all that they did to you, you actually did to them. Unbelievable that people believe them, unbelievable they can be so cruel, so heartless, unbelievable how they can treat you that way after all you did for them.
4. The hoover stage. It’s unbelievable they can walk back into your life, like they did nothing wrong, twist it all around so you believe it was all your fault, unbelievable how much you want them back, how much you miss them so much, unbelievable that you can not let them go, you can not stop thinking about them, you can not stop caring about them, unbelievable after all they have done, that you still love and care for them and want to help them.
5. Smear campaigns stage, it’s unbelievable the lengths they will go to once you finally break free, smearing your name to children, friend and family, sabotaging your jobs, your home, dragging you through courts. Unbelievable just how hurtful someone you thought once loved and cared for you, could be so destructive and hurtful towards you.
6. Afterwards you find it unbelievable how long you put up with their behaviour, without knowing what was happening, for some it’s weeks, months 10 years, 20 years or more, depending on the narcissist you had the unfortunate path in your life of meeting, you find it unbelievable who they are, you find it unbelievable how many are out there, how many have suffered the same fate at the hands of a narcissist, how they all have the same traits and manipulation techniques, it’s unbelievable how you never spotted the pattern they use in all that they do, it’s unbelievable how your story’s and feeling are the same as so many others, well believe it’s true, real vampires do exist, under the name of narcissist, what they are is true, what they did to you, those before, those after you, and those around you, is all true. It’s more unbelievable that they can not change, that they don’t see what they do as wrong, that as much as you tried, they can not be helped, we’ll you tried so start to believe that they can not be helped, they’ll never see it from someone else point of view, therefore as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can not change.
It leaves you an empty shell, no longer knowing who you are, no longer knowing reality, full of emotions you don’t know what to do with, you are unable to move forward with your life without them. It’s even harder how those around you don’t always understand what’s happened, or those who had seen signs, don’t understand why you didn’t get out sooner, when you’re trying to work out what’s been happening in your life and those around you don’t understand, it makes a difficult journey to re-discover even harder.
There is plenty of people who understand, which is why we need more awareness, and to get the help, support and understanding to those who need it.
You will never get answers from a narcissist if you want answers, you’ll only get more lies and false apologise from them.
Don’t think about motives of why they do this until, You learn and really understand what the narcissist personality disorder is, so you know exactly what they are, what the do, so you can make sense of everything that’s happened to you.
You need to learn that narcissistic people have a different reality to others.
Find people who understand what’s happened, as those who’ve not experienced it first hand, will not understand it.
Know who you can trust, who want to help you.
Rebuild yourself, learn to listen to your instinct, if someone is too good to be true they usually are. We all have our faults.
Try and have evidence if needed for court or mediation. Keep messages, take photos etc.
Accept some people will not see who they truly are, leave them with the narcissist.
Do not try to out them, unless you are fully recovered, you have evidence and you know that it will plant seeds of doubt in those around them who, they’ve also manipulated.
Read read and read some more until you truly believe exactly who they are, you know exactly what a narcissist is, whist recovering, learning about them will help you understand and recover.
You will heal and you will have a much happier life.